The year isn’t over yet, but there are some goals that I can’t commit to without a fresh start, and this is one of them. I have written so…*so* much about my feelings on the act of creation. From how [[2019-03-18-making-things-make-me-sad|it makes me sad]] to [[2020-10-03-making-things-makes-me-happy|how it makes me happy]] to how I’m [[Just a Guy Online]]. You could fill a magazine with the amount of words I’ve typed about how I feel about the things I make. It makes sense: as I grow and change, so too do the feelings I have about my work and effort. But going back through and reading all of my thoughts from before, I can tell that each dissertation is rooted in one thing: Fear. In 2019 I feared the rejection of my art. In 2021 I feared caring too much about my art being seen. In 2024 I basically feared both of these things. That’s not great! So in 2026 I would like to replace fear as the focal point of my creative process with something a lot more positive: value. I think I convinced myself that I was happy with the place I’m at creatively because it was more comfortable than trying to do more. I shielded myself preemptively from striving to do better by pointing out how busy I am and how I’m incapable of ever being a full-time creator. Both of those things are true, but in making that the foundation of my creative process, I think I’ve robbed myself of being kinder to the work I do. So yes, to answer that, I want to value the things that I make more. I want to promote myself and my work without feeling so embarrassed about it. I want to be able to respect the things I make and consider myself more as a Person that Does Things and not Just a Guy. I like working for myself — my loud, dumb ass is the way it is because I do things for *me* — but I don’t want to feel like I’m “selling out” just because I want people to see my work. So I plan to be more direct, and push people to see my stuff more, without feeling push*y*, if you’ll forgive the pun. I think a big part of this shift has a pretty simple reason behind it: I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of the work that I create, lately. Maybe it’s just the end-result of hitting my 30s, but I don’t cringe at what I put out. And yet, half the time I never even post this work in places where people can see it. It’s another fear. I remember distinctly seeing a blog post I wrote up a few months ago and put on bluesky, with nary a like to its name, directly under someone else’s repost of a very similar blog post that was quite popular. It was deeply embarrassing to me in ways that are silly to think about. It itched at the same part of my brain that still remembers when a girl told me the Naruto doodle I drew wasn’t as good as the kid’s next to me in 5th grade.[^1] I’ve tricked myself into believing that even if my work is good, it isn’t unique enough to show off to others in a way that I perceive as being annoying. Which is a perception I have because I am mentally ill. Oops! But it’s 2025 and I can still name the number of Black people I know that write about media on one hand. It’s 2025 and people are proudly showing off their “AI” “Art” like they did something with themselves. It’s 2025 and **Ready Player One** somehow still exists, and hasn’t been MIB-beamed out of our collective consciousness. So yes, in 2026 I am going to do my best to push past those illogical fears and just be nice to my work. No one else will be if I’m not, and some small numbers aren’t going to kill me, because they’re still better than zero. And! Even if they’re zero, I’ve still pushed past that fear and focused on the value I feel in the things I’ve made. If you’re not doing the same, maybe you should try it too. [^1]: I can’t believe I remember this man. Brains are so fucking stupid. Truly their own undoing.