> [!warning] TW: Death and some depressing thoughts I have talked about this so much. I know. I’m sorry. But I write whenever I feel like I need to exorcise my demons, and sometimes they come back. I love videogames. Despite all my yapping and criticism and jokes, despite how horrible the industry can, has been, and will be, it’s a medium that has always given me comfort and joy. They’re not my only hobby by a long shot, but they’re certainly my favorite. But I also hate them, because I can’t play them all. There are so many good games that I want to play right now, man. And I just can’t, and that sucks. Here are a bunch of games that I’ve felt the urge to get to as of the past, like, week: - Jade Empire - Rogue Prince of Persia - Dragon Quest Heroes II - Dynasty Warriors Origins - The Division 2 - Resonance of Fate - Caves of Qud - Romancing SaGa Minstrel Song - Fields of Mistria That’s just me looking at my Steam list, by the way, and only the stuff installed on my computer. There’s more, of course: on my Switch 2, on my pocket handheld, even my damn phone. There is no conceivable way I can finish all of the games in the list above, let alone the rest. I looked at [How Long to Beat](https://howlongtobeat.com/)’s main story section for all of them to see how long it’d take. The total? *276 hours.* Just the main story. Add dozens more if I wanted to do side content for each of them. And lest we forget, this estimate is assuming no more games out for the rest of time, which will obviously not be the case. Nor does it take into account those infinitely playable games — your **Fortnites**, your **Street Fighters**, what-have-you. Nor does it take into account games I want to *replay*! **Nioh 2** is just constantly looking at me from behind my shoulder like the Green Goblin mask, waiting and watching… This is a nice problem to have: firstly because it’s a “problem” in the same way having 5 different cheesecakes to choose from is a “problem.”[^1] But also because I am able to have this problem because I find so much value in games! I am a staunch defender of the 7/10, which is firmly where something like **Dragon Quest Heroes II** lies, for example. Even if something is considered “mediocre,” there’s usually something I can take out of a game. I am **Freedom Wars**’ strongest soldier, basically. But the more my interest widens, so too does my backlog. I’ve taken steps to stymie the bleeding, of course: I’m comfortable with not finishing games now, as I’ve noted in my [[Game Backlog Project]]. And I’ve refined my tastes to a razor-thin edge, which helps too. I will never purchase a 4X game or an RTS[^2], which has probably saved me 10000 hours of time on its own. But it doesn’t matter. I will never be able to play every game I want to play, and that stings! The pain is more existential than just, “wow, I wish I could play vidja all day,” though. It’s a reminder of my finite time on this planet. I want to maximize every day to its fullest, because recent events in my personal life have reminded me that I won’t be here forever. One day a new **Zelda** or **Final Fantasy** will release, and I won’t be around to play it. One day I’ll hop off a call with my friends and not get back on. It’s harrowing to think about! I try not to do it often, and it’s something I’m working on, but sometimes the thoughts just resurface. I don’t really care about playing every game in my backlog, obviously. But I crave *experiences*. I love experiencing new things that change my worldview, bring me joy, give me goosebumps. I just recently read [[Vinland Saga]] and I will never be the same person again. That’s the feeling I’m chasing, like the high of a scholastic book fair. The idea that I might be missing it because I passed on something I might have enjoyed or loved — whether it’s a game, movie, or even a trip to the grocery store — fills me with some existential dread. The solution I’ve found is mind-numbingly difficult, but simultaneously so obvious it borders on absurd: you just have to live. Specifically, live in the moment. Indulge in the joy you’re feeling now, whatever it is you’re doing, rather than searching for the next thing around the corner. With some effort, every experience can be a fantastic one. It is so, so much easier said than done, and that feeling of wasted time can be unimaginably difficult to shake off. But I will leave you with the wise words a shiba inu once told me: ![[Loving Things Means Letting Go-1756049299677.jpg]] [^1]: cheesecake signal comin’ at ya [^2]: Unless that RTS is titled **Brutal Legend II**, in which case…