[[2026 Cafe Posts#^172725|2026 Cafe Posts]] I want to state up front that this is *not* a callout post about anyone, particular, or even broadly. Just some general musings. I mean frankly it’s my blog and I don’t gotta explain shit, but still, there you go. Anyways, it is well established that [[FFXIV Unlocked My CM Powers|I'm a planner]]. Always have been. Events, hangouts, trip itineraries, [this cool forum you might have heard of](https://discourse.auldnoir.org/), you name it. I seemingly have a knack for it. But! But. I've gotten pretty tired of making plans. I think, in having this “role” established amongst my social circles, offline and on, that it's become a sort of expectation that I do the planning. But sometimes I don’t want to. Don't get me wrong, I'm invited to *do* things. But the discussion tends to begin and end at the invitation. If I don’t say “oh sure, let’s plan to do it at X time on Y day and have Z as a back-up plan,” the flames of that invitation sputter out into the wind. Normally that mental stack doesn’t really bother me, especially because I love getting to decide things lmfao. So this shift in my brain was a bit surprising for me at first. But thinking on it, it definitely stems from my current lack of employment. Telling someone I’m down to do something and being told “ok, what time?” ends up being a much larger mental stack when the answer is “whenever you want, I’m jobless and unmoored by the lack of any real structure in my life,” lmfao. You tell me! If I think about it too much I'll just remember how shitty things are, not have an answer for you, *and* end up not doing the thing because I didn’t come up with a plan. Perhaps I'm being a bit of a baby. In fact, it’s not even a matter of “perhaps,” I just am. But I’d be lying if I didn't say that it’s exhausting sometimes. There’s this (likely unfounded) lingering sense of anxiety that if *I*, specifically, ever stop planning things, then my social circles will erode away because the torch won’t be picked up. This feeling will pass with time, I’m certain, but until then I’ll just continue to feel it, haha.